My Battle with Faith

These are things that have been brought to my mind in answer to my heart’s questions.   I never want to come off that I know all the answers.  I am learning.  We all have our own journey.

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When Isaac was tiny I prayed for him to be healed.  I praaayyyed for him!  I fasted for him.  He received priesthood blessings.  I prayed for him to get all better and I KNEW God could heal him.  I told God that if he would heal my boy, then I would raise him to be a good missionary.  Isaac died.  What does that mean about my faith?  This was heavy on my mind.  I came to this; Faith is KNOWING that He CAN, not knowing that he WILL.  

Why?  Why could my faith not heal my boy?  Why must we struggle?  Why did he die?  Why must my husband suffer?  Why can’t things just be fixed like I wish they would?!  Can I still have faith when bad things continue to happen, despite my faith and prayers?

Life gets hard and scary and horrible, faith doesn’t take that away.  Faith is complete reliance on the Lord.  I don’t need conditional things to happen the way I pray for them in order to believe in God.  Ultimately, when I truly have faith I don’t need Him to do things how I am praying for them to happen.  I know He has a higher way.  I accept all he gives me. Fully.  I trust  Him.  I stay faithful.  I continue to pray for His hand in my life.  (I am so grateful for his mighty hand in my life.  He is mindful!  There are times he grants my plea.  There are tender mercies.)

Can I trust that He is shaping me?  That He loves me and maybe that is why I am given more opportunities to grow?  I am not here on earth to have Him make life easy whenever I it gets hard.  Faith does not develop through easy.  God and the Savior are not here to make life easy for me by always taking away my hardships. They are here to ease the heaviness I fill. They are here to lift me up to the challenge.  They are here to help me learn.  They are here to help me reach my full potential.  (Which is to become like them!)  They allow me to stretch and push myself further than is comfortable.  With that comes growth.   I learn through experience.

Faith is knowing God is always there.  Faith is knowing God LOVES me.  Great challenges make great people!  The bad will become blessings.

Isaiah 55:9

“For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.