The Blue Eyed Bunch

Today I am fasting for me.  I hesitated to do that, feeling kind of selfish, but knew that I needed it so
much.  I have been fasting steadily for those around me month after month. I have been doing all I
can for them.  I have been exhausting myself, seeing slow to little progress in them, and blaming
myself. I feel like I am failing.  I am emotionally spent. I need an increased capacity. In mothering, being a wife, and in my new church calling.
I really need Heavenly Father’s help.

This morning Aubryn met with the bishop to have an interview.  She recently completed her
personal progress. (I’ll write more on that later.  I’m so proud of her!) The bishop called me into
his office with Aubryn (and Eden was with us).  He told me that he asked Aubryn what made
her do this. [The personal progress program will end at the end of this year.  Many girls have
quit doing it. Aubryn didn’t want to finish either.] He went on to tell me she responded with,
“I prayed for the desire to do it.”  

Then he asked her, “Where ever did you get the idea to do that?”

“My mom.  She said I could pray for the desire to do it.”

I don’t remember saying that to her. I do remember feeling frustrated with her that she

wouldn't do it. I was overwhelmed in the moment and further on in Sacrament meeting
(An early returned missionary bore a simple yet powerful testimony that I needed to
hear so so much.  I hope that Brad absorbed it too.) with the words in my head,
“I AM NOT FAILING.” I had to work really hard to control my emotions.
Just typing it out has brought me back to tears.  I feel a renewed spirit that I CAN DO IT.
I am doing it. I have not failed. Only Satan believes that.