Pandemic, Written June 28, 2020

*I know it has been a long time since I updated.  This post is to fastest way to update just the pandemic time.  The months from January til mid March are a bust.  The next post will have photos form the last few months, but the majority will be in my google photo album.*

This Is UNPRECEDENTED!

Covid 19

Coronavirus

CCP virus

China virus

Wuhan virus

Exponential!!

Eden thinks there is a dinosaur out her window. We say there are no dinosaurs. She says, “What if there are but everyone is saying there aren't so I wont be scared?”

NO CHURCH

Eden wears a dress anyway.  

NO School for two weeks. Then spring break, but go nowhere. THEN no classes for the rest of the year.

At the beginning I thought, “I got this!”  Three days later, “I think I took crazy pills!”

James thinks the virus is like a famine in the Book of Mormon when Nephi prayed for it to soften the people's heart so they would turn to God and unify.

Wesley asked me who “so and so” is.  He thought it was a name.

Every ache anyone has in our home we get very nervous.

Knee hurt. Went to Physical Therapy but too scared to return.  The VIRUS!

St. Patrick’s day. Made chocolate mint cookies. Made leprechauns for a craft.

Created “Quarantine survival” group on facebook.

March 18, 2020

EARTHQUAKE at 7:09 am.  I felt it. I was on the toilet.  Scared the crap out of me. I ran in kids rooms to check on them. I ran downstairs to the kitchen.  I had heard something fall and was looking to see what happened.  My heart was racing!  I put both hands down on the counter and looked at Brad as he ate his bowl of cereal and said with wide eyes, “Did you FEEL THAT!? It’s the END OF THE WORLD!”

I settled down.

Super nervous about Brian getting the virus and get super sick.

Kids are restless.

It is raining.

Eden learned to ride a bike. YAY! She loves it and is good at it.

Woke up nervous, again

Sun is out after many rainy days. Went on a walk.

Bought two hens.

Sacrament at home on March 22. Then we held a stake prayer at 11:30. We all prayed unitedly. Brad won’t participate.

Boorrreeeddd kids, after school work of course.

“Are we going anywhere today?” Reagan asked hoping we were, but nope. Nowhere. Not today, not tomorrow.

Lots of crazy intense things. Family things. Feeling really overwhelmed and worried. Cochran & Co song “Some day” brings me hope. “There will be healing!”

State next to us, Idaho, went on lockdown.  The weight of the world feels heavy. I think we need to repent. All of us. As a church and a people. I wonder what it will take for people to be obedient.

Closing everything down. Lives are hurting; spiritually, emotionally, financially, and more.  If I lose my husband to this virus will we have money left for me to raise the kids?

Puzzles.

Banana Bread

Eden asked to fast at dinner because she did not want to eat it.

Eden slept in Spiderman costume because it was squishy and soft.

Biggest decision of the day is which sweat pants to wear.

We are fasting.

Weird dreams.

More rain.

Reagan asked, “Are we going anywhere today or just staying home?”  Staying home, dude.

More weird dreams.

Laundry.

Rylan has fever.  I assume it’s Covid.  Worried sick.

I took Ibuprofen. Feeling achy, tired, and have a headache.

Try working out with friends over video phone call.

“Mom, I feel sorry for the chickens. They are always barefoot.” Eden said.

I got really annoyed waiting at bank FOREVER. Aubryn driving. Kids home alone. AHHH!

Made chocolate suckers for Easter. They look soo bad!

Sidewalk chalk!

Child begins to show signs of breaking. This is hard on him.

“What does stressed mean?” Eden asked.

“The secret to riding your bake is sharp turns.” Eden said.  She figured out that is not a good thing to do.

CONFERENCE!!  Good and sad.

Brad did Easter egg hunt for kids.

Brad likes working at Golf Course. YAy!! SOOO glad it is staying open. Praying they don’t go on lockdown.

Laundry.
Parks closed, taped off with quarantine tape.

April 8, first time daring to eat school lunches.They were prepacked and we drove up to get them at the High School.

Eden worked up over all the milk in the world expiring on Friday.

Virus Raging.

“I don’t like how I use my brain.” Eden said.  “How do you mean?” I asked.  She respond with, “I think of scary things.” sad

Rough emotional day. (So much I could write, but not here)

Considered trying alcohol.  I hear it helps take the edge off.

James had a hard day.

Wadman nature park. Kids made a fort.

Child struggling.

“Mom, did you and Dad disgust the mystery kid? When will you pronounce it?” Eden

Kids on edge.
Many walks in the golf course to find golf balls.

April 16, 2020 another earthquake while I was on the toilet, again!

11:10 am Brian had a seizure in the kitchen. I took him to work after lunch then sat in the car alone at a park to try and deal with my overwhelming feelings. Reached out to some friends, but no response.

Around 4:00pm I got a call from Brad in a panic. “Dad had a seizure!”  I asked if he was hurt and Brad told me he was. Paramedics were there. I ran out the door and hurried to the bank parking lot near his office.  He fell and hit his head. I needed to take him to the hospital but was so scared because of Covid 19.  But we needed to go. I drove him there. They didn’t want guests, but he was super confused. I asked him who the president was and he said, “Bush”  BUSH????  If he does not know trump is president then he is NOT OK.  Brian got CT scan, tetanus shot, and his head stitched up. There was no fracture or bleeding on the brain.  So grateful!  He was sick and vomiting from the concussion. Our Stake President gave him a blessing over the phone in the car.  I was grateful. He slept a lot the next few days, but was still out on his longboard.  The ordeal really scared the kids. I felt scared, but felt he would recover from it.  I prayed for him as soon as we were alone at the emergency room. I felt peace then.

Brian continued to seize during the night. Around 1am I gave him the medicine for cluster seizures to make them stop.

Rough few days.

Kids in sand box.

School work.

Laundry.
Antelope Island

Eating!!!!! All the time.

I’m probably not doing enough for kids.  I am doing the best I can.

Scott’s birthday is approaching. My heart hurts sooo much for Cherie.

Collin has surgery on his knee.

I need to feel some peace.  A lot of stress.  I’m really overwhelmed and trying to stay afloat. I pray for it. I beg for it. I listen to conference talks, but they tend to make my heart more sad.

Child, crying. I was exhausted emotionally myself. I hoped he would get over it and be ok. But that wasn’t happening. I approached him.  After a long while, he seemed a bit better. Also, had to say a prayer and speak to another child. God is by my side, but this is grueling.  I’m pleading for some kind of break or small moment of peace.

April 27th watched first virtual fireside.  John Bytheway shared some thoughts that really helped me. (Looking back as I write this from late June, this was a turning point for me.  I finally started to get some relief.)

“Would you rather be book smart or street smart?”  Rylan said, “Book smart because I can't even drive yet.”

Another setback with a child.  It’s heeaaavvvyyyyy. It set me back as much as I don’t want it to.  Prayed in my bathroom “I need help. I need peace. I need strength. I need guidance.” 

Days I pray for comfort.

May comes. I begin to feel a little less stressed. Problems are still heavy, BUT I know God has not lost sight of my child. I had a day of a little bit of relief. I was not overwhelmed.

SIDEWALK CHALK art on the driveway.  It was so therapeutic. I needed that.  I also got a sunburn while I did it.
Aubryn got a job at Northern Ice. She loves it! "It's a party!"

I continue to pray for relief, peace, strength, and all the capacity I need. I’ve been listening to women’s conference.
6th grade dance. virtual at each kids home. kind of cool, but very sad.
Senior photos. it was so good for me to get out and do something creative.

Full time missionaries challenged us. I shared the new proclamation with Marla.

May 3rd. Many people struggling in this house.

Aubryn asked if she would get a yeast infection if she ate bread dough. He he.  She has been a light through all of this!!  She is in a pretty good mood most of the time.  At least, after school work is done.

People are beginning to act like quarantine is over.  I’m still trying to be careful. Kids want to play with friends.

May 5th. Wesley turned 8!  Friends drove by.  Orange creamsicles and orange rolls.

Homeschooling continues. Relentless kids.  I rarely get time to think.
Jaren (nephew) got married on zoom.

May 10th Mother’s day was great!  Thoughtful gifts.  No pressure. Relaxing day. Listened to fireside while I painted.

I’m starting to feel better in general. I never had a major event of peace or relief hit me. But gradually I have felt lighter.  I have prayed hard. I hoped for an overwhelming feeling to come over me.  It didin’t happen that way.  But I;m feeling calmer, capable, relaxed, relieved, from the intense feelings of sinking. I am grateful.

Feeling frustrated and surprised by people not being careful.

Reagan went golfing with a friend.

Laundry.
Online learning. last of school. parade with teachers.
May 15, Brian noticed his tooth is broken.

Made bread. I’ve been making lots of bread!

May 17, good come follow me. Wesley and eden taught about repentance in the back yard and Brain spoke from his journal about when Isaac died and when Aubryn was born.

Stresses continue.
Eden's Birthday!! She is 6! Hawaiian theme. Drive by birthday party. Then rain sadly came.

Wesley’s baptism was WONDERFUL!  Just our immediate family and grandparents over video call. Also our bishop was there.  Brian baptised him.  He was dunked forwards, as he requested.  Aubryn and I were witnesses.  Reagan and Rylan prayed. Brad played the piano while we waited for them to change clothes. We went home and ate mac and cheese, chili, and lemonade. It was perfect.

Learning more and more that others own their choices, decisions, accomplishments, and mistakes. 

May 30, 2020 Rocket launch for space x and nasa was so cool!  I needed something like that in my world.

Country is bonkers.  Riots, burning, looting, beating, murdering.  Race. Police. 

Fire in the canyon. Lost power.

June 2nd. Isaac would be 18. Sad in my heart.

Virus is still bad and actually getting worse around here.

Riots continue.

I’m trying to find a balance in all this.  Being safe and careful and living the best life we can right now.

June 8. Yelled for James to come downstairs. Neighbor lady was at the door.

Ross is open!  Woo hoo! Found some deals!

Chaz, no Chop. So bad.

June 14th.  Church today for the first time in months. Short. We wore masks. Small spread out group.

June 19, 2020. Beautiful day.  Played baseball at park with little kids. Reaganfinished his first baseball camp.  It was a success!

A child finished up with some counseling.  Doing better.

June 22, “Mom, Are you sure every single dinosaur is dead?” eden asked.  We were playing dinosaurs while we waited in the car at Brian’s office. Then we got hot and went inside and played catch.  

The pandemic is not over.  We’re riding through.  We’re surviving.