Thursday, January 31, 2013

James Sings

Wednesday, January 30, 2013

"Rylan, will you bring me the telephone?"  I asked.
"The what?"
"The phone." I answered.
"Oh, yeah, sure." he said.

Pulling Tooth

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Ice on Branches

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Sunday, January 27, 2013

At church today Rylan saw the ward Music Director placing the numbers in the wood frame that tells us what hymns we are singing.  He asked me, "Mom, why do they put points up there?"
A few days ago we had an ice storm.  Everything was covered in 1/2 inch to 1 inch thick ice!  The driveway was like a skating rink!  I spent a large part of one afternoon chipping and scraping the ice off the driveway and walk.  It was hard work!  I had a small sharp pain in my chest at one point and if went away and never came back.  But I had this thought, "What if I died?  What if I dropped dead right here in my driveway!?"  I told Brian about my thought later that day.  He responded, "That's the way to go!"
Wesley can yell, "YA!"  (I mean yell!!)  He says it at funny times.  If I say, "Aubryn do you homework."  He yells, "YA!"  He can also say mama.
James doesn't say his consonants.  "I eeee aaa."  Translation:  I eat snack.  "Eh eh ee ouw."  Translation: Set Wesley down.  It is strange.  He should speak Hawaiian or something with very few consonant sounds.  I can usually understand what he is telling me.  Also, he can say "elbow" perfectly.  That is useful.

"I can't do this!  I am not strong enough.  It is too much."  I have thought these thoughts.  It is when things are so difficult and I think I am weak and can't handle what I'm given. After some thinking I thought, that this is when we need to remember we are at our strongest!  We are persevering! We are surviving!  We are overcoming!  We are turning to Christ.  We feel weak, but are finding a new level inside us. When a runner runs a race, no one thinks they are weak 5 minutes before they cross a finish line when he wants to give up, but keeps on going.  No one thinks a mother is weak minutes before her baby is born and she feels she can not do it.  No one thinks someone in the thick of a difficult trial who finds no relief or strength and GOES ON is weak,  but that is when they are strongest!  It is often those times when we have to completely lean and rely on Jesus.  That is the where we find true endurance and strength.

Philippians 4:13
  I can do all things through aChrist which bstrengtheneth me.

Friday, January 11, 2013

9 years

It was freezing cold outside.  A winter storm was in full swing.  I was sleeping somewhat soundly in my hotel bed in Salt Lake City when Aubryn woke up and went to the bathroom, which woke up Wesley.  He nursed, but had a hard time settling back to sleep.  Brian's cell phone then began beeping because the battery was low and then it died.  That was enough to wake Wesley up.  Wide awake at the unpleasant hour of 3 something in the morning.  Wesley is really vocal.  (He must be related to Reagan)  Anyway, I couldn't stay in the room or he would wake up the other kids.  So I took him down to the lobby.  They have some guest computers there, so I logged on.  While checking my email I found a note from a friend at Primary Children's Hospital.  Her daughter was not going to make it to morning.  My heart ached!  Tears filled my eyes.  I wrote back several times with no response.  The nagging feeling that I needed to get there and be with her wouldn't leave me.

Soon  I inched my way through the snowy roads, up the hill, to the hospital.  I embraced my friend.  My heart was full of emotions.  I stood with her over her daughter, we cried, we hugged, we talked, we even laughed. We had tender experiences.   I stayed for a bit.  Brian and his dad came and administered blessings to mother and daughter.  Her daughter, who was 12, had flown to heaven but her body remained until organs could be given.  I felt so sad for my friend!  I also felt much peace through out that day.

A few days ago I attended her funeral.  I watched her mother, Christine, stand with great courage and speak about all that she had learned from the experience of being Jessica's mother.  It was gut wrenching.  It really hit close to home for me.  I had learned many of those things too.  And then my child who turned my life upside down, was also taken from my arms.  I couldn't hold the tears back.  I felt Isaac near. 

I was also able to see good friends from years ago at her funeral.  People I met because of Isaac.  Families with special kids like him.  We understood each other.  I spent a lot of time with them after Isaac died.  It was good to see them, but added to my emotions.  My friend's daughter was taken on that bitter cold January day to a grave site in the same cemetery that Isaac is buried.  I think the temperature was about 15 degrees the day we buried Isaac.  It couldn't have been more than a few degrees different that day.

Today, I was trying to get some cleaning done.  My boys were not being particularly helpful.  Especially James!  I could not get ahead.  I felt I was making ZERO progress.  I said to Brian, "I feel like I just want to QUIT!"  I run, but get nowhere.   I was frustrated.  

After Brian left for work, I found an old CD I made after Isaac died and put it in to hopefully find some songs I could share with Christine.  The songs really brought back memories.  They reminded me of the pain.  I picked James up and noticed some of the similarities he and Isaac had.  James,  uncharacteristically,  sat still and let me hold him.  He is close the size Isaac was.  His haircut is the same. His little mouth.  His long lashes are the same.  His blue eyes are similar.  I looked in his eyes.  I remembered looking into Isaac's eyes.  I thought , "What would I give to be able to hold Isaac?" and here I have all these beautiful boys to hold around me everyday!  I get so busy with stuff, that I brush them aside.  They are healthy!  They are wild, crazy, busy, healthy boys!  I had prayed so hard for Isaac to be like them.  And more importantly, they are HERE. WITH ME!!!  I felt emotional.  I had tears fill my eyes.  I sat there and held James as long as he allowed.  I imagined I was holding Isaac. And changed my outlook for the rest of the day.

Yesterday I was honored to attend the birth of a 10 lbs 6 oz, 23 inches long baby boy!  I was assured once again that God has divinely designed everything.  This mother breathed down her baby and her body performed perfectly a function it was designed to do as she followed her instincts.  He was born into a loving family with a father and a mother.  He nursed from his mother and was given all the nourishment he needed.  He was loved, held, and wanted.

Sunday I taught the first part of the temple preparation class.  I had studied and prepared the lesson about the Plan of Salvation.  What a great thing it is!!  All these experiences have really reminded me of how awesome this plan is!  I am so very grateful for it! God has designed  everything and it is simple and good.  I love how beautifully simple Jessica's life was.  All she needed to make her happy was the sound of wind chimes and bells.  I know God lives.  I know He has a plan for us.  I know that Isaac and Jessica are not far.  I know He LOVES me and my children and my husband and my friends and EVERYBODY.